the unicorn's snack

soooooo

sew

sewey sew so soosososoo.

here we are.

okay here *i* am typing this early and putting it on timer.

Why?  Because SOme OF you guys are someplace else where morning is when i am having nighttime.

That means - excitement! - you get to have My AMazing And Special And Exciting Birthday before i have it

exciting!

so right.  

Unicorns Vs. Zombies.

I am a side chooser if nothing else.

this is a very 

Pro-Zombie post.

*************************************************

A story!

I will make it up as i go!

We'll see how this works!

David was all innocent-like walking into brookshires to pick up more liverwurst for his horse whose name is.. Ralph.

david loved ralph and was straight up totally devoted to him.  

ralph, ralph, ralph, every night and day right?

Ralph was a very spoiled and well loved horse.

who ate liverwurst.

So David is walking right?

and the sky clouds over all of the sudden like.  It was really very scary and creepy.

David yelled, "shit!"

because he was scared.

In the darkness of the sky, out zoomed a 

TERrifying Unicorn. 

The TERrifying unicorn was wreaking havok and unhappiness by sprinkling super cheap crappy christmas craft glitter everywhere it went.  Like when cars leave a trail of smog like stuff or exhaust or whatever it is that they leave for the rest of us to breathe in if you are unlucky enough to live in a state with low (read:  zero) emission standards.

Terrifying!

That kind of glitter gives glitter a bad name!

It was clogging up drain pipes and the rain (oh, it was raining too, by the way) was flowing over onto everythign and making a big (big!) flood.  The flood was more of a pain in the ass than you could imagine.  The water mixed with dirt and grime and junk from all of the shitty ass american subdivisions with no yards - just dirt, and made mud, 

which was then extra dangerous when it mixed with the glitter!

You are thinking woodstock '94 style mud when we all rolled in it naked, right?  But this isn't like that!  This mud was dangerous because of the sharp glitter.

The clerks at brookshires all came running out to see what all of the mayhem and fuss was about.

David, as you recall, was SOOsosososo devoted to (wtf was the horses name?  It will now be ron because i don't want to scroll up)  David was so devoted to ROn that he ignored the Obviously Pending Apocolypse <--- can't take time to spellcheck, sorry

and went into brookshires to get the damn canned meat stuff for Ron anyway.  Liverwurst.  That's what he was getting.  Not canned meat, sorry.

So The problem is that there were no clerks to ring up david's purchase of liverwurst. Because!  They were all getting hurt by the sharp glitter that was all caught up in the mud and dirt and shit from the flood (remember katrina?  now add Really Shitty Thick Sharp Cheap Glitter.  Terrifying)

David is actually a very very high strung sort of guy and also have really strict morals.  He wouldn't just take the liverwurst from the store

also.  he didn't have exact change.

So David left without ray's liverwurst.

David had to swim home, but he was so worried about ray that he didn't mind.

Because that's the kind of guy david is.

(was)

David swam out to ray's stable house horse cage thing and explained to the water-treading ray what went wrong at brookshires with the terrible attack unicorn sprinkling the glitter destruction and all 

ray did Not under stand.

He got So MAD that he grew a horn of destruction and discord.

David watched as the ungrateful bastard also sprouted wings.  Even though mostly only pegasus have those.  

Ray cared nothing - Nothing! for all of david's years of selfless devotion.  

David wept tears of weepiness.

'no! ray!  no nononono!  don't fly away.  i love you ray!  remember how you'd like do that thing that gave us both that really fond memory?  i love you ray!'

but ray was all, 

'you forgot my liverwurst' about it.

Ray GORED (stabbed!) david with his mean pointy horn.  

David started dying.

Ray laughed his mean unicorn laugh.

but then!

they (ray and david!) were both super distracted by the fact that apparently i forgot how to integrate a zombie into this story.  Then!

the wall opposite david burst open!

Just like the koolaid man does when he jumps into a room!

Burst right open!

and!

a HORDE of zombies came rushing in and started eating david's brains.

Really!

David really fast didn't die and turned into a zombie.

He ate ray's brains and also did that other special thing that you have to do to kill a unicorn, but it's not the stake through the heart thing, it seems like it would be more complicated than that - but

lets see how far ray gets with no brains.

so 

the end.

also you can win this zombie that i made.

i sealed it with beeswax and put some studded trim type thing on it too.

just leave a link and comment.  I'll do the random number generator thing and say who gets this ridiculous    brilliant painting on next  Sunday?  Or Friday.  Probably by wednesday which is like.

the 21st.

so around that day.  Wednesday.

But soon.

But not too soon because maybe you decide to to do a post late, and i don't want you to feel left out.

you came to my party and that makes me happy.

no, i mean it straight up does.

you can link up until mister linky expires and i have no idea how long that is.

i bet a really long time.